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Have you ever had a partner hold your hands above your head? How about use their belt to secure your ankles or wrists? Or, what about been tied to a chair with a scarf? If you’ve done any of the above, you have unknowingly dipped a toe (or two) into the wonderful world of bondage. Super Plus Lingerie
ICYDK, bondage is a form of intimate and/or sexual play that involves consensually restraining or tying up someone for the sake of pleasure. The ‘B’ in BDSM, bondage is a way for people to explore giving up or taking power, add an element of ~spice~ to their sex lives, and introduce a new flavor of intimacy into their interpersonal relationships, says Elle Chase, CSE, ACS, a certified sex educator and author of Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions To Empower Your Sex Life. “Incorporating consensual bondage into sex play builds and fortifies essential trust between partners,” she explains, as it “requires that communication be deft and clear.” For this reason, bondage play is recommended for partners looking to improve their communication. Apart from the bonding aspect, some people just simply like to be tied up because it turns them on. “The beautiful paradox of bondage is that many people feel sexually freer when they are tied up,” says Gloria Brame, PhD, a certified sexologist and BDSM expert based in Athens, Georgia. “They have no choice but to submit to the wonderful sensations they can experience in a bottom role.”
There is a common misconception that all bondage sex incorporates rope but actually, that isn’t the case! “Rope play is just one subcategory in the wide and wild world of bondage,” says Midori, a sexologist, educator, renowned kink expert and author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage and Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink.
Bondage can also include things like leather, skin-safe tape, handcuffs, ties, under-the-bed restraints, silk sashes, and so much more, says New York-based psychotherapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT. Basically, any form of sexy time play that involves restraint falls under this category.
Beyond just learning what qualifies as bondage sex, it's also necessary to research how to explore this type of play safely. This article is a great first step! But, you’d be wise to sign up for a bondage workshop at your local sex shop, or through an online sex and/or kink educator. You can also read up on the topic by consuming texts like The New Topping Book and Midori’s The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Chase also recommends getting familiar with what positions you might want to try out (ahem, more on that later) and how to execute them properly by turning to online videos and websites.
Hate to state the obvious, but it’s not kosher to whip out some rope mid-way through romping and expect your partner(s) to be game. Instead, you need to talk about it with them ahead of time—ideally, outside of the bedroom—so you can negotiate boundaries, interests, and more.
When approaching your partner about trying out bondage, you don’t need to be coy or apologetic about it. Simply start off by telling your partner you think bondage is interesting and that you’d be curious to try it with them specifically, says Brame. If they haven’t explored this type of play in the past, they might have some questions. So after stating your interest, spend some time researching bondage together, so you can tailor the details of your sexperimentation to your mutual desires, Brame suggests.
If your partner isn’t interested in exploring bondage with you, remember: That’s their prerogative. While you can get curious about where their disinterest is coming from by asking a question like, “I respect your no, but I’d love to better understand if there is anything in particular keeping you from exploring this with me,” you cannot—under any circumstances—pressure them. Repeat after me: “No” means no.
Once you and your partner(s) are on the same page, it’s time to get detailed about what you’re actually going to try, says Brame. In BDSM, this stage is known as negotiations—talking about what each person wants and doesn’t want, so everyone is in agreement on those initial boundaries. Knowing exactly what is on and off limits will create a blueprint for what you will do when the clothes come off and bondage tools come out. Also, plan to come up with a few safewords or safe signals, Brame suggests. “You want to give each other intense rapture, but cause no harm.”
If you plan to use rope, keep some sharp scissors around in case the person who is getting tied up wants or needs to get out immediately. If you’re not well-prepared, the risks of rope play are no joking matter. “On the physical side, the risks include (but are not limited to) marks from the restraints, nerve damage, or circulatory obstruction from the bonds being too tight,” says Midori. Better safe than sorry, right?
Here’s the thing: Rope play requires a bit of practice before being brought into the bedroom.
It’s not only helpful to practice tying knots on your own before play, but necessary, Brame says. “You don’t want to fumble and make ties that fall apart under stress, are too tight or too loose, or otherwise disappoint your partner and your own standards,” she explains. Practice tying up your own ankles with different knot styles until you can achieve the look and feel easily. These knots don’t need to be super fancy, as long as you know how to undo them quickly.
If you’re a total knot newbie, look into easy-release knots and knots that can hold someone tightly, Brame says. Some people love the column knot (a.k.a. wrapping rope in a column and making a knot), while others prefer a simple overhand knot, she adds. It’s just a matter of personal taste! For first timers, Brame recommends a simple wrist tie. “You can tie wrists overhead and attach with extra ropes to a headboard, or you can tie wrists down in front and secure them at the waist by wrapping the rope ends around the waist,” she explains. For those who are more advanced (and have consent), try a four-point or spread-eagle tie, which gives four points of attachment—two for the wrists and two for the ankles. “The result is that your partner’s body is fully open to whatever sensations you want to give them,” she says.
Oh, and be sure to get a beginner-friendly rope material to start. “Soft cotton rope is great to get started with bondage sex,” says Midori. “You don’t have to get expensive hemp or jute to begin exploring.” Remember: You don’t even have to use real rope, you can bring in a few scarves you already own, she says.
Your mouths shouldn’t stop moving when your clothes come off! Instead, you and your partner(s) need to continue communicating while you bone, bondage style. Consent should be an ongoing conversation if you’re into rope play or want to try other forms of BDSM, says Chase. “Consent, communication, and trust are essential for a strong relationship—sexual or otherwise,” she adds. Additionally, you want to ensure that your partner(s) are having a good time, and are not in pain. Play is about mutually-satisfying pleasure, after all.
Some things you might say or ask during bondage sex:
When you’re tying someone up, you always want to confirm that they’re comfortable and let them get used to the feeling of bondage. “Some people like to wiggle around and test the knots to see if they can easily escape,” says Brame. “Some suddenly realize they don’t like it.” Checking in with your partner throughout play to see how they’re doing helps ensure everyone’s comfortable from start to finish.
After play, it’s time for aftercare, which is BDSM speak for debriefing, checking in, and making sure you both feel good about what just happened. The purpose of aftercare is to make sure both participants level out mentally and physically, and it can look like whatever you want—so make sure you discuss it with your partner before starting, explains Wright. “Aftercare, just like any other need, is unique to each person,” she says.
“Aftercare to BDSM is like cuddling after intercourse: something that adds kindness and emotional support to the end of satisfying play,” Brame adds. She advises keeping water on hand, telling your partner how well they did and how hot they are, and kissing and cuddling afterward. “The best type of aftercare means giving your partner help in coming back down to earth after an intense experience and demonstrating that you are mindful of their need for reassurance, affection, and appreciation.”
Once you have a handle on these bondage basics, it’s finally time to play. Get ready to explore these 15 best bondage positions:
How to: “The best place to start with bondage sex is by adding an element of bondage to your favorite sex position,” says Midori. “It’s a good way to set yourself up for the most comfort and pleasure.” If missionary sex is your fave (#relatable), start there!
For this position, the receiving partner simply lies on their back with their arms above their head and their legs spread. Then, the penetrating partner binds their wrists and ankles to the bed frame.
If anyone is averse to rope, try an under-the-bed restraint system (this one from Sportsheets’ was previously recommended by licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin). Its velcro cuffs are easily removable for a quick escape if/when one partner decides they no longer want to be bound.
How to: If the receiving partner enjoys being in control of the depth of penetration, consider an on-top position. Here, the penetrating partner lies on their back while the receiver binds their wrists and ankles, either together or to the bed frame, with a silk scarf, a tie, or heck, even your own underwear. Once the penetrating partner is adequately restrained, the receiving partner can straddle them facing forward or away, whichever they prefer.
Because the penetrating partner is tied down, the receiver can switch it up as often as they see fit—touching themselves, or maybe pulsing a bullet vibe (may I suggest the Tenga Iroha Stick) on the other partner’s perineum, nipples, or clit. The pleasure options are pretty much endless!
How to: For this doggy style variation, the receiving partner lies with their stomach flat on the mattress (or wherever you’re going to be having sex) while the penetrating partner binds their wrists together over their head. The receiver can also opt to be blindfolded, too, because why not?
Then, the penetrating partner lifts their receiving partner's hips to enter them from behind. The receiver should keep their shoulders down and their knees rooted while the penetrating partner thrusts.
How to: In this position, you’re going to need a (very!) sturdy chair. Have the penetrating partner plop themselves into the seat, then tie their wrists—and maybe their ankles—to the frame. Next, the receiving partner can have their way with them—consensually of course. The receiver could, for instance, start with a little oral sex before straddling the penetrating partner. Whether the receiving partner faces their partner or turns away is entirely up to them.
How to: Sold on the chair thing? Cool, this time try one without arms.
Here, the penetrating partner sits in a chair while the receiving partner binds their ankles loosely together and tie their wrists together behind the back of the chair. From there, the receiver can tease their partner as they wish. One option is to touch yourself while tasting your partner. Another is to hold a wand vibrator between your pubic mound and theirs.
When both partners are ready, the receiving partner can lube up both genital areas and then slide on down. For extra leverage, the receiver can hold onto the penetrating partner's shoulders while they ride.
How to: Spooning sex positions are known for being cuddly, but cuddly doesn’t disqualify them from being good options for bondage sex.
To bondage-ify spooning, have the penetrating partner secure the receiver's wrists in front of them so they hang by their hips. Once the receiver is all tied up, the penetrating partner can take the reins in foreplay, before rolling the receiver onto their side and entering them from behind.
If the receiving partner is feeling extra adventurous, they might don a blindfold. This way, one partner can surprise the other with nipple tweaks, or other forms of (consensual) stimulation and sensation.
How to: Also known as reverse leap frog, this position keeps the receiving partner's legs free to wrap around the penetrating partner, but secures their hands behind their back so that the penetrating partner holds most of the control.
First, the receiver lies down with their back flush to the mattress and then lifts their hips into the air, as if doing a bridge in yoga. After, the penetrating partner binds the receiver's wrists behind their back and grabs their butt, so the receiving partner can wrap their legs around the penetrating partner's waist as they thrust.
Pro tip: To test for comfortability after being restrained, the receiving partner should lower their body back down to the mattress to make sure the pressure is not too tight on the wrists.
How to: If you pride yourself on having great balance or your partner is strong AF, consider adding a little bondage to the rear-entry standing position.
Here’s how it works: The receiving partner assumes a standing position with their feet shoulder-width apart. Then, they bend over and have their partner bind their wrists to their ankles. Next, the penetrating partner will grip the receiving partner's hips to hold them upright as they enter from behind.
For added clitoral stimulation, try a hands-free couples vibrator like the Eva II.
How to: PSA: This take on the classic missionary will only work if the receiving partner is pretty darn flexible.
To introduce bondage in this position, the receiving partner lies on their back with their knees tucked into their chest. Then, the penetrating partner binds the receiving partner's ankles and calves together. When the penetrating partner gets close enough to the receiver's body to start penetrating, the receiver can drape their legs over their partner's shoulders.
Pro tip: The receiver can use the strength of their legs to pull the penetrating partner in deeper with each thrust. If you really want to go above and beyond, the receiving partner can also ask to have their wrists bound above their head, too.
How to: This position is exactly what its name would suggest: If you took the downward dog yoga pose and made it sexy. To start, the receiving partner lies face-down against the mattress, ground, kitchen table, wherever. The penetrating partner then secures the receiver's wrists behind their back and spreads their legs. The receiving partner lifts their bottom up, creating a triangle with their thighs and torso. The penetrating partner kneels between the receiver's legs and enters from behind.
For added stimulation, the penetrating partner can reach a hand around to stroke the clitoris.
How to: If you or your partner like your G-spot stimulated and a good stretch during play, this position is for you.
Ready to rope and rub? First things first, ready your restraints, whether that’s the aforementioned under-the-bed system or simply scarves or rope. Next, have the penetrating partner bind the receiving partner's wrists, either to the bed frame or above their head, while the receiver lies in missionary position. After, the receiving partner spreads their legs in a V-shape and lifts them toward their head. The penetrating partner can help with this, pushing the receiver's ankles back (as far as it feels good) and holding them in place while they thrust.
How to: If your mattress is hip-height or higher, give this position a try. The receiving partner starts by bending over the bed, face forward. Then, the penetrating partner binds their ankles and wrists together. Once the receiver is in position, the penetrating partner stands behind them with one leg on either side of theirs as they enter.
If you’re both feeling it, the penetrating partner can use their free hands to stimulate other areas, like the nipples or clitoris.
How to: Okay, Boy Scout, time for you to show off your skills!
Have the penetrating partner complete a simple box tie so the receiving partner's wrists are tied in a horizontal position and then tied across the chest and shoulders to create a harness. From there, the penetrating partner can stand up or lean over the side of the bed for genital or anal entrance, says Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT, a certified sex therapist based in Connecticut.
Bonus: This rope routine is also aesthetically pleasing.
How to: PSA: Ball Tie is for bondage connoisseurs only.
Here, the penetrating partner ties up the receiving partner so their legs are bent at the knees and their thighs are pressed to their chest (kind of like a fetal position).
This position may be trickier for vaginal penetration, but it’s a great option for anal penetration/stimulation and other forms of play.
How to: Once bondage is as second nature to you as, say, breathing, you can give this advanced position a try.
To start, have one partner tie the other person's ankles together then tie their wrists behind their back. After, have them connect the wrist and ankle restraints. (Note: Semi-beginners should opt for cuffs or clips that can be easily removed instead of rope as some people may struggle to breathe in this position.)
PSA: Hog tie also isn’t the best position for penetration, but its *kinkster’s kiss* for things like oral, sensation play, and teasing.
Elle Chase, CSE, ACS, is a certified sex educator and author of Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions To Empower Your Sex Life.
Gloria Brame, PhD, a sex therapist, certified sexologist, and BDSM expert based in Athens, Georgia.
Midori is a certified sexologist, sex educator, and renowned kink expert. She is the author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage and Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink.
Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, is a New York-based licensed psychotherapist and host of The Wright Conversations podcast.
Amanda Pasciucco, PhD, LMFT, CST is an AASECT-certified sex therapist based in West Hartford, Connecticut.
Sabrina is an editorial assistant for Women’s Health. When she’s not writing, you can find her running, training in mixed martial arts, or reading.
Addison Aloian (she/her) is the assistant love & life editor at Women’s Health. Outside of topics related to lifestyle, relationships, and dating, she also loves covering fitness and style. In her free time, she enjoys lifting weights at the gym, reading mystery and romance novels, watching (and critiquing!) the latest movies that have garnered Oscars buzz, and wandering around the West Village in New York City. In addition to Women's Health, her work has also appeared in Allure, StyleCaster, L'Officiel USA, V Magazine, VMAN, and more.
Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a sex and wellness journalist who writes at the intersection of queerness, sexual health, and pleasure. In addition to Women’s Health, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Men’s Health, Greatist, and more! In her free time, Gabrielle can be found coaching CrossFit, reviewing pleasure products, hiking with her border collie, or recording episodes of the podcast she co-hosts called
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